As A Token Of My Apathy
by LadyKryptonite
Summary: /She wouldn't let him understand her; she would force the curtains to stay open forever, even when half the audience was missing/ Oneshot. No really point.


It hurt more than she expected, dying did. Blood trickled out of her mouth (warm, but _yoursodamncold_) and down her chin, the smell of burnt flesh and blood permeating in the air so thickly she felt like she couldn't breath. (This scene is familiar; I saw it once in a dream).

It was vile, and the pain was near overpowering, urging her to just let go one second sooner, so close why don't _youjustfuckingdie_? Her body was pleading to her, screaming at her to just close her eyes and let Kami-sama's gnarled fingers wrap around her soul -it's black and dirty anyways- and let deaths coldness enter. (_Welcome, please make yourself at home_)

But she couldn't, not yet. She needed to see him, she needed to tell him her last words. It had to be him, nobody else, because everything in her life had been for him, why not her last words too. Her death was. (all for him, always for him).

She wouldn't be just another life he watched slip away, no _goddamnfuckingway._ She wouldn't be just another opponent he had defeated. She was Haruno Sakura damn it, and she would be feared, looked upon with awe, fear, maybe respect, _whatever_. It didn't matter and she _didn'tevencare_. She would be remembered. (_Sorry my lord, not yet, please give me more time)_

There would be no little girl who was washed out, see through, a soul who faded in his memory. -who was she, did it matter?- no.

"Is this what you wished for?" he asked, already hovering overtop her broken body. He was so damned fast. To kill, to leave, to quit, to lie, to forget.

"Is this what you wanted to happen in the end?" he inquired, his voice cold and decades older than it should be. It was not the voice of the boy she knew long ago -perhaps he never lived-, there was no kindness that lay just underneath the surface. This voice was merely Sasuke Uchiha, S-class missing inn and traitor to Konoha. Traitor but loyal, cold yet fragile, ruthless except merciful.

"You know it's not Sasuke," she rasped, feeling the blood bubble up from her throat to spill over her lips once more. Who would have wished for such a desolate ending, like having their fairy tale cut off in the middle and never reaching their happily ever after. Who would have wanted this?

God, the urge to just close her eyes and exit this life was so strong, but she needed this. (_Just a couple more seconds my lord, before I serve your throne of lies for eternity)_

"It should be. I am happy, isn't that what you always wanted?" he looked down at her, a sneer breaking his expressionless composer. His onyx eyes were full of disdain, and it made her smile internally. This would make what she had to say all the more sweet. (I hope it burns)

"Or was it, that you wanted me to be happy with you? In Konoha?" he jeered cruelly, the curl of his lips twisting his handsome features into something ugly. -hideous, you are so bloody hideous Sasuke-kun. "How very hypocritical of you, Sakura." Oh, he had no idea.

This time she did let a small smile grace her features. "You are not happy Sasuke," she whispered, seeing straight through his lie, his mask made by an insecure child -she knew that's what lay inside-. She always could, and that's what bugged him. She could understand him, but never, ever was he able to comprehend her. "You never will be."

He laughed, a harsh bark that screamed of all the ways he had changed. "And you will never live to see another day," he spoke to her, holding her eyes, still trying to figure her out. A calloused finger lifts to trail down her cheek, smearing the blood across her porcelain skin. "Do you still love me?" he hissed softly, his bottomless eyes empty and dark making her feel nauseous. He was a morbid man who crept out from her nightmares and became her reality. _**(Child, my patience is running out)**_

He disgusted her, his actions horrified her and his words left her broken. She had so many reasons to hate him she had lost count. (_Please my lord, a minute longer_).

She hated him. It was a deep fiery inferno of rage, malicious and furious that made her want to tear him apart, limb by limb so he could feel just a fraction of the pain she felt. _**(Hurry, the beast is hungry and souls are so stubborn these days).**_

But god she loved him. No matter what, she would always love him, in a sick twisted way. It was a selfless love that gave all and expected nothing in return, and it was slowly killing her. (I would have done my best to make you happy, you know?)

She was torn, in the blackest, most painful kind of way. It was like she was burning, but at the same time her veins were being turned to ice. Like she had spent an eternity in the dark before she was suddenly pushed into the light and blinded. She kept sucking in air, urging her lungs to breath, and when the sweet relief comes it does nothing to quench her thirst. -this is inhuman, this is cruel, _whenwillitend_?-

And in the end, she could conquer up nothing. No sort of feeling no emotion. There were no words of revenge spilling from her lips, and no heartfelt confession that she had to declare. _**(The clock is ticking and I have places to go and lives to steal).**_

But the truth would be too easy for him. She would be remembered, and it wouldn't be by him understanding her. That would be the end of the show, the curtains as they closed. Applause would fade and the dark would remain. -can't see, help me, somebody?-

She wouldn't let him understand her; she would force the curtains to stay open forever, even when half the audience was missing. She would be remembered, and he would be the one left forever in the dark._** (Speak now woman, you are already in my grasp!)**_

"Love is eternal, Sasuke" she sighed, speaking like she would to a naive child who knew nothing of the world. Who knew nothing of pain and grief, was ignorant of how fragile life was and the unimaginable power of death. It was so strong, and they were all so, soweak. -you are foolish Sasuke-kun-

She spoke like he was ignorant of everything he thought he knew and it killed him, because he knew she was right and she knew it too. She made herself hold his eyes with love and boundless kindness, not letting even an ounce of the emptiness she felt inside show through. She would be remembered. _(You are mine now)_

His eyes widened fractionally, but his features remained frozen in their icy composer, determined not to show her he was affected. But she always knew, and he knew she understood and it was agony. Beautiful, twisted agony that he would never understand, always think of, and never forget.

He searched her eyes, hoping, praying for even a spark of falsehood and deception. But even in his desperation, he found only earnest sympathy and love.

Sakura laughed mentally at his face, rejoicing in glee at his confusion. He tried, oh so hard he tried to understand her, and now even with his final push, she wouldn't let him. She would haunt him and he would scream at night and she would enjoy it because it wasn't what he deserved but what she wanted. It was unfair and selfish and she was dying, so what the hell, she deserved it, even if he didn't, so she would be happy because she was Haruno Sakura.

"You liar!" he spat at her, eyes now darker with black anger and the feeling of loneliness -what do I do now now, where do I go, why does it happen?-. He was lost and his only chance of finding his way was dying beneath him in her first, last and only act of defiance. _(point one for Sakura, game _over)_._

Her smile grew, but she forced it to stay tender and affectionate. It would ruin everything if he understood, if her true feelings were discovered. Then she would die.

"Whatever makes you happy, Sasuke-kun" she murmured. "Always, whatever makes you happy."

His face twisted in rage as he snarled at her. "Don't you fucking give me that! You hate me Sakura, it's goddamn fucking time to fess up and admit it!"

She gave him a look that spoke of the deepest sadness. And that was all. With the most sorrowful gaze she could manage, a tear slipped out of her dulling emerald eyes, and she was gone. (_I am with you my lord, carry me away)_

Just like that. In a blink of an eye, she was there beneath him, and now she was gone. "You liar!" Sasuke screamed at her, fury pooling into his stomach with an aching kind of pointlessness that he had yet to realize. (He will, with time, it will become his only friend. It and me). His hand flashed out to punch her shoulder with all his might, the feeling of her collarbone breaking underneath the force of his fist useless in ridding himself of the furious wave of uncertainty and second guessing.

He would be angry, rage, time after time, but it would never help him. He would be forever stuck in an endless cycle, and he would have nothing to pull him out. _-please, take me away from this nightmare, i don''t want to live anymore-_

(Sasuke-kun, that would be too easy. A coward's way out, and I don't love cowards).

A horrid feeling of loss he had not felt for a long time crawled its way out of his throat. Letting his head fall back, he let out a roar full of the futileness of his life and utter desolation that only a man damned could make. _**(Fear not child, I have a date with you soon. Your time will come)**_

And somewhere in the back of his mind, underneath all the horror, loss and isolation, he heard a feminine voice laughing, echoing of the walls of his soul, her voice just like he remembered. (Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun, remember me? I love you!)

* * *

**(A/N) **Wrote this a long time ago when I decided I wanted to try something different, maybe see if I could control the speed on how people read things and put the emphasis in the correct places. Goofing around with it, not sure I quite got what I wanted, but, eh, I've time to practice. - laina.


End file.
